


til i feel whole again

by windupclock



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Autistic Matteo, M/M, Sensory Overload, david is an excellent boyfriend, not explicitly stated but he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 14:03:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19007278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windupclock/pseuds/windupclock
Summary: Matteo gets sensory overload at a party again. The difference this time is David.





	til i feel whole again

Lights keep bursting against Matteo’s eyes, frenetic movement around him in the dark, A whirlwind and him at the epicenter. He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, letting the world go calm and black, and scrubs his hands over his face.

It’s not that Matteo doesn’t like parties. He doesn’t have a problem with parties. He likes them. He likes dancing and he likes his friends and he likes playing stupid drinking games, but –

But right now the noise around him is building, gearing up to a crescendo Matteo is tired of waiting for, because it won’t ever come. The noise won’t peak and fall again. This is how it’ll be. The music is loud and intense and people are yelling to be heard over it and people are stomping and shuffling their feet as they dance and everything is overwhelming. There are too many people around him, too many people in his space. His arm is brushing against someone else’s side and the air is hot and heavy and everything smells like weed and sweat and cheap beer.

It builds like a river rising around him until Matteo is drowning, his hands tapping frantically against his hip, his breath coming too sharp and too shallow. He blinks too quickly and shakes his head and brushes his hair out of his face, and it’s all too much right now. 

Matteo runs.

He pushes through the crowd of people, trying to ignore the feeling of their clothes touching him and how much warmer it is in the center and how he can’t catch his breath, and he makes it to his room and slams the door behind him and sinks down to the ground against it.

Fuck. His whole body feels on-edge and awful, his arms tingling, his brain ping-ponging around, full of thoughts and unable to grasp on any of them. His hands are shaking and his breath is still shallow, but he’s in his room now. His safe haven. It’s quieter inside, the thumping music muffled slightly by his door, and the lights are soft and dim instead of neon. Matteo sits slumped against the door for a long minute and rests his face in his hands, just trying to breathe.

Eventually his limbs feel solid enough to stand, to get his bulky headphones from his bed and pull his phone out of his pocket and collapse again on his chair. He knows the drill with this: drown out everything, carve out a world of just his music and his breath and eventually his hands will stop shaking.

Right before he presses play, there’s a knock at the door. Matteo jolts, and his first instinct is to snap, put his nervous energy to good use and tell them to fuck off, but then he hears his name, gentle and hallowed, in David’s voice.

“Matteo? Can I come in?”

Matteo hesitates for a moment. He can’t stand having people around right now, but this isn’t people. This is David, whose hands make Matteo feel settled in his skin. “Yeah,” he calls, his voice raw and unpracticed.

David slips in and closes the door right behind him. He smiles at Matteo, who stares back at him, unable to muster anything more.

“I saw you running out,” David says softly. “Are you okay?”

He jerks one shoulder up in a poor mimic of a shrug.  _ Probably not _ , he wants to say, but he can’t find his voice. Instead, he reaches out for David, making  _ come here _ gestures with his hands, feeling childish and desperate and exposed.

Without hesitation, David comes, settling in next to Matteo on the chair but careful not to touch him. Matteo doesn’t know how he reads him this well, how he can understand things like this without words.

Having David nearby soothes his brain a little; his senses love David, softening at the edges when he’s around, the sharp stings of input flattening into hills and valleys, but Matteo still needs more to ground himself. Slowly, he takes off his headphones and shifts onto his side, facing David’s profile, and then he curls himself around him. One hand around David’s hip, the other on his shoulder, his face tucked against David’s chest.

It feels so good Matteo wants to cry – his brain is happy, all of his dysfunctional neurons singing out with joy and contentment. David solid under his hands and cheek. David smelling like himself, like home. David quiet and calm, enough to balance out the muted noise of the party. David’s hand on his back warm and steady, keeping Matteo tethered.

He wants to say  _ thank you _ and  _ I love you _ and  _ stay here _ , but he can’t, and he knows it’s okay. He knows there’ll be time for that later, knows David will give him time. He settles for rubbing his face gently against David’s chest like a cat marking its territory, his eyes flitting closed.

David’s voice rumbles through Matteo when he finally talks. “Better?” he asks quietly.

Matteo nods. David’s free hand finds Matteo’s hair and cards through it, blunt nails scratching at his scalp with just the right amount of pressure, and Matteo leans into it, making David laugh, soft and easy and not mocking at all, and fuck, Matteo loves him. Feels understood with him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Matteo shakes his head.

“Okay.” David tucks Matteo’s hair back behind his ear and smooths a hand along its length, fingers lingering on the nape of Matteo’s neck. “You know… you look good.”

Matteo’s laugh is an understated gasp of breath against David’s chest, but it’s a laugh nonetheless, and David makes a bright, pleased noise. “What, do you think I’m kidding?”

“Yes,” Matteo rasps out, because he knows his skin is pale and waxen and his eyes are glassy and there’s a sheen of sweat cooled across his cheeks. He does not look good right now, but David moves his hand to curl around Matteo’s jaw and tilts it up to look him in the eyes.

“I’m not kidding,” he says solemnly. “You look good.”

Matteo has to lean up and kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from until i am whole by the mountain goats.
> 
> follow me at my skam sideblog davidrights.tumblr.com if you like & feel free to send me prompts/requests! ♡


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